


May 2004

by gothclark



Series: freak4ever - the Journal of Clark Kent [10]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sexual Content, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 05:25:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothclark/pseuds/gothclark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark spends time with Lex. The intimacy grows between them, but Clark is in for a rude awakening when he discovers that Lex has been digging into the crash sight where his ship landed. When Clark finds a piece of his ship in Lex's office, everything changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	May 2004

02 May @ 08:34 am

Yesterday was the journalism conference. I dressed up in my only suit. I knew Chloe wanted to impress the people she was going to meet so I thought if I dressed like a hick they wouldn't take her seriously. I figured a suit would be better. She picked me up early in the morning, and we drove to the city. It was a quiet drive for the most part. I tried to keep a conversation going, but neither of us was into it so I just enjoyed the scenery. I don't really go to the city often.

Once we arrived, she was all excited. It was nice to watch her light up with joy. The conference was cool. So many people were there. I'm not used to being around so many other people. I mainly followed Chloe around. I talked to a few people. At one point I lost Chloe and as I searched for her, this woman at a booth asked me if I was interested in applying for a summer job. I wasn't there for that reason since I'll be spending my summer on the farm.

I didn't tell her that though. I told her I really had no spare time this summer since I already had a job. Then she asked if I would go out to dinner with her. That was when Chloe showed up. Of course I told the woman that I already had dinner plans.

That was really the only thing that happened while I was there. Chloe did all the schmoozing. We ate a light lunch at the food court. Then Chloe hit the Daily Planet booth. She snagged the interview she has been dying for. I couldn't help but smile as I watched her talk up the man at the booth. He was really impressed with her. I was happy for her and I gave her a big hug.

After this booth she couldn't stop smiling. It was wonderful to see. Then when it was finally over, I sprang my surprise that I was taking her to dinner. We found a reasonably priced restaurant and got a nice quiet table.

Dinner was nice. We talked about the conference. I didn't want the day to be dampened by where we would have to go tomorrow. Before I knew it I was blabbing almost every detail about how I met Lex and how he rescued me. I told her all about how I realized later that the event on that bridge had been the start of my crush on him. It was nice to be able to tell somebody all about my true feelings for Lex.

I also reassured her that things between her and me were going to be better from here on out. I won't neglect her ever again.

The whole day was such a huge success. I drove us home, and dropped her off at her place. She was tired and happy. I'm picking her up in a few hours to take her to the funeral. Plus I have to give her car back to her. It's pouring rain out, which seems very appropriate. I'm not looking forward to this at all. I hate funerals.

@ 09:00 am

What if I'm not? What if I outlive everybody like in Cassandra's vision? What if I have to watch everybody I love die? My mom, dad, Lana, Chloe, and Pete. The worse would be to have to see Lex die. 

Pamela is dying. It's not fair! 

I really think I want to go to the spring formal with Chloe. I just don't know how to tell Lex. When I took Chloe to dinner it felt so nice to be with her. 

 

03 May @ 04:54 pm

The funeral was bleak. It rained all day yesterday. I couldn't stay there anymore so I just left and walked to the mansion in the pouring rain. By the time I arrived I was soaked. Feegan was in the kitchen. 

We talked briefly. 

Then I went up to see Lex. He was tired and looked sad. He took me up to his room so I could change, but I just undressed. I wanted him, but he said it was the wrong time.

My whole life is about bad timing.

I wanted to tell him so many things and my mind was in turmoil. I really wish I could have told him about me. I wanted to explain to him why I was so upset about the funeral. I'm not that close to Whitney, but it all hit me way harder than I thought. I felt helpless and alone. 

I'm not human and we have no idea if I will age the way people do. I couldn't explain to Lex that this brought my fears to the surface. I feel so alone right now. 

I wished we'd done something more than hold and kiss. I'm afraid we're going to run out of time. We have no idea what will happen in the future. What if when I tell him about me he hates me forever? What if something happens to him? So many what ifs I can't keep track of them all. I know I can't live that way. I have to just move on and hope the pain subsides.

I wanted no secrets between us. I want us to be able to build a solid relationship. I feel so lost. I don't know what to do or if any of the things I do are right or wrong or if they'll hurt him more. I don't want to hurt him. I don't ever want to hurt him and I know that isn't possible because I've already hurt him. 

I'll hurt him even more when he finds out I've been lying all this time.

 

04 May @ 11:09 am

I went by last night to see Lex. My mom said I could stay for a few hours. She also told me that I wouldn't be able to go over all the time. I have to do my chores and homework first. I have a lot of chores this week. Things are going to need to be prepared for planting, and that takes time.

Last night we just played some pool and had light conversation. It was nice. I left my telescope there. Pam was asleep. Lex promised to have it set up for her. I'm going to try to go by tonight to see if she needs help with it. I'm not sure if I can since dad needs me right after school, and then I have homework. So far I have three assignments.

I have to rush off. Study group starts in a minute.

@ 11:11 am

I'm really worried about Lex. He was so distant last night. I wanted to comfort him more, but I wasn't sure how. I stayed away from the topic of Pam since I was too afraid I would say something that would hurt him.

I really don't feel up to the task. I'm no good at any of this stuff.

 

05 May @ 09:55 am

I finished up all my chores and homework before going over to the mansion. When I got there it was already after eleven, but I really needed to see that Lex was okay.

He was asleep on a sofa in the room beside his bedroom. I couldn't help but wake him. He looked relaxed and his hands looked delicate I couldn't help it. I woke him with a kiss. 

He immediately pulled me onto him. I was already excited and when our bodies touched my excitement grew. I couldn't stop touching him. His pajama top was open and his skin was so warm. 

We moved to his bed since the sofa we were on was too small for both of us. I wanted to touch all of him. I removed my shirt and left my jeans on. I didn't want to assume. 

I can't hide anything from Lex, it seems. He noticed that I was off and asked what was wrong. I lie enough to him as it is so I just told him about what Pamela said. About how she thinks I should keep my hands to myself. I told him about how she thinks that right now, Lex probably doesn't need physical comfort. He wasn't happy that she had said that to me. 

She was way off. It happened and I'm really glad. I will not let anybody make me feel bad for that. I care about Lex and making love to him last night felt so right. He wanted it as much as I did. It was nothing like the first time. This time it was gentle and I'm sure that I didn't hurt him at all. I think I bruised his hips, but it felt so good to grab and hold him.

We were facing each other this time, too. Staring into his eyes when I was inside him was the most incredible feeling in the world.

I can't even put it into words how great last night was. I'm trying. 

The way he looked under me all open and relaxed and happy is burned in my mind. I want that to happen every day.

I'm so happy right now.

Later at school, Pete asked if I got laid. I just grinned. If only he knew. Of course if he knew he'd probably have a heart attack.

06 May @ 06:35 pm

I went by last night to stargaze with Pam. She was asleep already so Lex and I took my telescope out to set up. 

He was real distracted. Something bad happened with Pam. I wish I could do more for all of them.

I don't know what to say about this. Lex's been struggling with a lot of things, and Pam is one of them. Apparently, he handed Feegan a gun and told him to use it on Lex's dad if he ever needs protection from him!

I can't figure out whom I'm most sad for. I'm sure Lex thought bringing her to the mansion was a good idea. I think what he did, letting Pam move in to spend her last days with him, was wonderful. He's such an amazing man. His compassion and understanding gives me hope that when I do tell him about me he'll forgive me.

Feegan was so upset when I saw him today during deliveries. We went into his office and talked about what happened. He promised not to tell Mr. Luthor about it. I was so relieved. I don't think Lex needs his dad telling him he made a mistake. Right now what Lex needs are his friends. 

Both Lex and Feegan told me to take what Pam says with a grain of salt from now on. Lex doesn't think she's dangerous to him, but he does think that she might say more inappropriate things to me. I'm not going to let that keep me away. She needs understanding right now, and people who care about her.

Feegan also told me he erased all evidence that I was at the mansion the other night. He practically told me I should give Lex whatever he wants. I admitted to him that I ignored Pam's plea to not comfort Lex physically. I think he figured that out already.

 

07 May @ 02:26 pm

Lana called me last night to let me know that she'd run into Pam when she dropped by the mansion. I can't believe she told Pam about the hand in a box. I promised her I would talk to Pam, but I haven't gotten a chance to do it yet. It's making me anxious.

I did go by the mansion last night, but Pam was a sleep again. I spent all my time with Lex in the solarium stargazing. It was so nice to have a quiet moment. I have to touch him when I see him. I wonder if this is something alien. I've wondered before, but most likely it's because he's so hot! 

I remember the looks he used to give me whenever I first walked into a room he's in. It always makes me hard. Even back when I didn't know why he was giving me those looks.

I'm going to go over to the mansion today right after class and spend all night there. First I have to talk mom into letting me hold off my chores until tomorrow. Since it is Friday that shouldn't be too difficult.

 

08 May @ 01:23 pm

I just got back from the mansion. Yesterday I went straight there so I would have a chance to see Pam. I was glad to see her up and looking better. We went for a walk in the gardens. At one point she got cold so I gave her my jacket. But then she got dizzy and almost feinted. I had to run fast to catch her. She saw.

I told dad what happened as soon as I got home. At first he was angry that I let somebody see me use my speed, but when I explained that it happened so suddenly he cooled down. I just couldn't let her fall to the ground. I told dad it was fine, but I know him, he's going to worry no matter what I say. Of course the first thing he was worried about was that she would tell Lex. I sort of stretched the truth and told him she was very delirious. She is delirious and when she did say something I just told her she imagined it.

She's in such bad shape. I felt so helpless. I got her back to her bed as fast as I could and then Feegan came in. After the nurse took care of her, I stayed by her side until Lex got back from business in the city. Lex and I stayed with her for a while then we had dinner. It was a quiet meal and neither of us said very much. 

I called home to tell mom and dad that I would be staying overnight, but they weren't there so I left a message and told Lex that they said I could stay. I lied.

Pam just looked so pale. I thought for sure she'd die right then in my arms. It's not like I've never seen death. It just sucks. It's not fair.

Before, when Pam and I were talking, I asked her not to mention the hand thing to Lex. I reassured her it was in the past and that Lex was in no danger. I didn't tell her any of the details. She apologized for embarrassing me the other day. I tried to let her know that it was cool and that Lex wasn't going to bury himself in physical comfort. She point blank let me know that she knew what we'd done the other night.

It was creepy; like talking to my own mom. Pam is a redhead like mom. She also reassured me that she has no problems with my relationship with Lex.

Pam just wants to know that I'm serious about Lex. I really am serious. I don't know how to explain to people who just see a teenager. He's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about at night. 

Lex set up a guest room for me, but I didn't use it. I messed up the covers to make it look as though I used it, and then I went to his room. Since I had no pajamas with me I slept in my briefs. I'd thought about us doing something, but the vibe I got from Lex told me not to go there. It didn't stop my body from getting excited once we were in bed together. I was hard almost the whole time.

We kissed and touched a lot. It drove me nuts. After he drifted off to sleep, I had to go to the bathroom to jerk off. I felt so ashamed. I know I shouldn't be and that it's just my body reacting but still, it's so embarrassing.

We woke up together. I've wanted that for a while now. I've never slept in the same bed with another person before. I'm just glad I didn't float. That would have been hard to explain.

I have a ton of chores to do. Dad is hijacking me and we have to go to the next county for supplies so I have no idea when I can go back to the mansion today. But I will even if I have to tell dad off and run there.

 

09 May @ 08:00 am

I got up very early this morning. I couldn't sleep. Dad and I are taking mom to the Talon for a Mother's day Brunch. She's getting dressed up. I'm already in my Sunday best. I think after that, we're doing something else, but dad hasn't told either one of us yet what it is. I just hope it's not just a drive in the country.

I still haven't finished all my homework. I fell behind a little so I have to get cracking on that. Dad lectured me about how I need to focus on what's important. I know what's important.

 

0 May @ 01:38 am

I just had the worst nightmare ever. 

In it Lex and I are out in a field. We're on a blanket and the stars are shining bright. He's kissing me but then suddenly he's wearing Lana's meteor necklace. I fall over from the pain and he grins down at me. He tells me that I shouldn't have lied to him. 

Then suddenly we're naked on a beach and he's still wearing the necklace only he's on top of me, inside me. Ever time he pushes into me he tells me he's going to destroy me.

Then I'm in the cornfield again on the cross and Lex points the flashlight at me and tells me I can die out here. He walks away laughing and I woke up screaming his name. 

I'm so glad I fell asleep in the loft. I don't know how I would explain that to my mom and dad. 

Why do I keep having these nightmares? Every time I have one I'm so terrified after that I almost feel like burying my head in shame. 

It's a guilt dream it has to be. I have to see if I can find something on line that can analyze dreams.

 

11 May @ 10:47 am

Last night I went by the mansion to stargaze. I did my usual deliveries then went home to do homework and chores. This time I did those as fast as possible.

I showered and dressed up decent then went by to see if Pam was up for some stargazing. She was. I showed her a few things, and we talked about Lex. I even got the courage to ask how he was after the meteor shower. Lex told me that he felt what happened to him changed him for the better, but how can he know that. How does he know that he wouldn't have been better off if the shower had never happened?

I tried to reassure Pam that I wouldn't hurt Lex. She pretty much said what I was thinking. I won't mean to hurt him intentionally, but it will happen. I don't even want to think about it any more. I can't tell him my secret so there's no point in dwelling on it.

After we talked for a while and I showed her Saturn, she said she had pictures of when Lex was young so we went up to Pam's room to look at them. 

He was such a happy looking child before the meteor shower. I stayed up all night, staring at the pictures. I didn't get any sleep. I even took one of them with me. I have it in my back pocket. He looks twelve in it. His eyes are so sad and lost. I want to understand him better. He looked so sad later. There are pictures of him and Pam at the beach with his mother. His mom was a beautiful woman. 

I asked Pam as much as I dared about her. I didn't want to upset her too much.

As we were looking at the pictures Lex and Feegan came into the room. There's this one picture of him on the hood of a car. He's young but he looks so much like the Lex I know. I want to keep it, but I have to give them back today. I've memorized ever one of them. I can close my eyes and picture each line and each shadow.

I just wish things were different. I know they can't be and I should stop thinking that way. I should just accept things the way they are. In my mind I know why I have to be careful. My mom and dad count on me. 

But the real truth is I'm too afraid that when I tell him, Lex will think I'm a monster. I'm too afraid that he will hate me forever for lying to him.

I have to push that aside and be there for Lex. He needs me. Last night he seemed tired, so after we looked at the pictures, I left.

 

12 May @ 12:30 pm

Last night I went over to the mansion. I didn't tell mom or dad where I was going. I guess I just assumed they could figure it out on their own.

I spent the night with Lex after we went up to his room and had a pillow fight, which I still can't believe I managed to get him to agree to. It didn't really last long and ended with him pinning me to his bed. You'd think being invulnerable would mean I'm not ticklish, but no such luck.

So he pinned me, my all time favorite fantasy since I realized my feelings for him. Then we sucked each other off. I wanted to take his mind off things. I went over already excited and horny. At first I was afraid I'd push myself on him, but he laughed and smiled so much, I feel no shame or guilty over what we did. I made him happy for a little while. Plus pillow fight. Imagine what the tabloids would pay for that story.

The only thing is, after we were finished, we were both tired and we fell asleep. I didn't wake up until seven in the morning! Lex was still asleep so I watched him for a while. I didn't want to wake him up.

Lex drove me home so I could get my school bag and change. Mom and dad weren't around. Then Lex dropped me off at school.

My mom is angry with me. She called me at school on my cell to tell me that I'm to go straight home after classes. I don't have a last class today.

I'm hiding out in the Torch office. Maybe I can stay here long enough for it all to blow over. Yeah, right. 

I'm doomed.

 

3 May @ 04:36 am

Not only did mom ground me until Sunday, which is totally humiliating, but also she gave me this huge lecture on responsibility. She told me I have to earn her trust back.

I liked waking up with Lex, but I wish I'd gone home. If I had, I would have maybe been able to talk mom into letting me stay last night.

Pam died while I was at home. As soon as I got the call, I rushed to the mansion. I didn't even hesitate. When I arrived Lex was still in the room with her. I'm ashamed to say that I wanted out of that room as fast as possible. I wanted to be there for Lex, but it totally freaked me out. I couldn't even look at her. I tried to get Lex out of there. I almost told him that it's not Pam any more, but I just thought that maybe that might come off sounding too insensitive.

Feegan was there. We finally managed to convince Lex to leave the room. He was in shock. I didn't know what to do or say.

At first he was just blank and in complete shock. I brought him to his room and once he drank some water he settled onto his bed. I held him in my arms. That was when he shed some tears. I was stunned to see him break down. I've just never seen him break down like that.

My mom called the mansion. She gave me one hour to stay with Lex then I had to go home. I should have begged her to let me stay, but in truth, I knew it wouldn't help. She was waiting for me when I got home.

I'm torn. I want mom to be proud of me and I know that tone she gave me last night means that things will get worse if I don't smarten up. I want to be there for Lex but if I'd stayed last night, there was no way mom would have let me go over again. She told me I couldn't skip classes to go over in the morning. I'm going to go over before school to let Lex know that I'll be by later.

 

14 May @ 05:56 am

As soon as I got back from school, I showered and changed, Mom and I went over to the mansion. She was very understanding. I was a total brat. I barely said a word to her on the ride to the mansion. When we got there I took the flowers in and went to find Lex. He turned out to be in the solarium.

Before I found Lex, mom and I talked to Feegan. I got up the nerve to ask her if I could go to Gotham with Lex. I even told mom I would accept any punishment after I returned. She agreed. I'm still grounded until we leave. Mom and I are going to the funeral today.

I feel so dumb for not trusting her. She likes Lex. I know this, but sometimes I have to admit, I act before I think when it comes to him.

 

16 May @ 02:30 am

We're here at the other mansion. 

I just wanted to wish myself a happy sweet sixteen. I guess this means I'm now legal to do things I wasn't legal to do before. It's not really my birthday. They just picked a date.

 

17 May @ 07:05 am

Now I feel selfish. I went there to help Lex and on Sunday (my birthday) I suddenly felt cheated. I woke up in bed with Lex. We were given separate rooms but I went to see Lex later on in the evening. I wanted to talk and be there for him.

I didn't want to wake up alone on the morning of my birthday. Despite the fact that May 16th isn't really my true birthday, I felt like I needed to be with the one person I really care about. He even asked if I wanted to fuck him. I said no because it didn't feel right. I figured that maybe now that Lex thinks I'm sixteen he would want me. He'd said before that we could talk once I turned sixteen.

At first, I asked if I could fuck him. Maybe that was the mistake I made. It was bad timing and I never should have asked. I was so turned on, and he undressed me and then he touched me in ways I like. I wanted him so badly. I wanted him to take me. I wanted to be taken. I wanted Lex to want to take me. I realized it was bad timing but that didn't seem to matter. I felt like he should still want me no matter what else was going on. Just for that one instant, I felt distant from him and from us.

Then I left the room to go get breakfast. I did it partly to avoid us having a big confrontation. I could tell he was becoming frustrated with me. I'm frustrated right now. I don't know how things spiraled into what eventually became the weekend I wish had never happened. After what happened with Lex in his room, I talked to Bruce, and he convinced me that I should go back up to the room and talk to Lex about what was bothering me. I feel like a total jerk. Lex was hurting and my behavior didn't help.

When I went up to talk to Lex after I speaking with Bruce, I x-rayed the room to see what Lex was doing. He was drinking so I left him. I was too afraid that we'd fight and it would get worse.

Was it that selfish of me to want that from him? I guess so. The only thing I want is to forget the weekend happened and just move on. We didn't really talk about it afterwards. There was no point in telling Lex what I want. I couldn't have explained it. I was not really in the mood to be rejected on my birthday. I feel at a loss now. I feel like I was totally in the wrong but I have no idea how to fix it.

Maybe he'd be better off without me. I can't seem to handle the hard stuff when he needs me to. I have a lot of thinking to do. I don't want this to be this way and I know I'm the only one who can do something about it. I just hope I don't end up making things worse.

@ 12:20 pm

I think that maybe we shouldn't have gone. Bruce has somebody staying with him. He took in an orphan, Dick Grayson. We're about the same age and he's pretty cool. I liked him almost immediately. His parents died in an accident. I'm glad he has Bruce to take care of him. He's lucky because Bruce is really a great guy. 

I still feel that maybe it didn't do Lex any good. I have no idea what he and Bruce talked about, but in the end maybe we should have stayed close to home. I feel lost right now. I wasn't sure how to handle Lex, what to say, or what to do. I know I did all the wrong things. 

I should have stayed home. It was the crappiest fake birthday ever.

 

18 May @ 02:04 pm

I just broke everything in the torch office. Chloe is gone one day and every single thing that could go wrong has gone wrong. On top of that Lana just came in to tell me that she had a weird dream about Chloe being kidnapped. She seemed unsure of whether it really was a dream.

Mom harassed me this morning about the formal. She even suggestion, I think since dad was right there, that I might like to go with Chloe. The truth is I know (and she does too), whom I would go with if I could. I wonder how Lex looks in a tux. I bet he looks awesome.

Anyway, I have to see if I can get anything to work. Chloe will kill me if she comes back to find that I broke her precious newspaper.

 

19 May @ 11:18 am

Last night somebody tried to kill Chloe. Thanks to Lana and a vision she had, I managed to save Chloe in time. She stopped by and we were talking about Chloe and how Chloe was my first kiss. I was upset. Then Lana had a vision about a windmill and I knew where Chloe was. I ran as fast as I could to save her.

She was buried underground. I found her just in time. I hate to think what would have happened if Lana hadn't had that vision. It really upsets me to think that I could have lost Chloe forever.

I stayed with her at the hospital until Lana arrived to be with her then I went straight over to the mansion. I needed to be with Lex. He was already in bed when I arrived so I joined him. I was so terrified. I spilled everything about what happened with Chloe as we lay in bed together. I didn't tell him about how I saved her with my strength and x-ray vision, but I really wanted to.

It was so nice to be near him and have his warm, safe arms around me. It's funny that I should feel so safe when I'm with him when I am the one who's strong.

I couldn't help it. As we lay in bed his warmth and soft touches got me so excited. I wanted his naked body against me. I wanted to feel alive. I stripped him naked and sucked him off. His whole body belongs to me in that moment. 

He pushed me down into the mattress and sucked me off. I tore the sheets when I came, but I didn't care. I wanted to let loose. If only I could tell him the truth about me, then I wouldn't have to worry about that. I could rip and shred to my heart's content. But then maybe he would be horrified to see how strong I am. I've gotten stronger in the last while, too. I have no idea how much stronger I'll be. I just hope it's not so much stronger that I break everything I touch.

I had to leave soon after that because it was so late. When I got home, I told mom that I was with Chloe and Lana. She had no reason to doubt me. I was too tired to really care by then. I hope they catch whoever hurt Chloe. I'm going to go talk to her tonight to see if she remembers anything at all about her kidnapper.

 

20 May @ 10:17 am

I spent the night in the hospital with Chloe. She was so freaked out about what happened. I don't blame her. When I went to see her last night to ask if she could remember anything at all she started to cry and talked about being buried alive. I wanted to make her feel safe so I stayed with her and held her hand most of the night.

I've decided that I am going to ask her to the formal. Now I just have to figure out how to tell Lex.

@ 11:39 pm

I came back less than an hour ago from saving Lana. The man who tried to kill Chloe was a policeman who wanted to be a hero by saving Chloe, but when I intervened, he decided to take Lana instead. It's crazy and again the meteors played a part. They caused Lana's visions, and the visions ended when the police officer was killed trying to shoot his way out of the situation.

I wish I could say that I don't feel guilt, but I do. They came with me, and they are so dangerous. It makes me wish I'd never crashed here.

On top of that dad gave the check back to Lex. I'm totally freaking out. Dad is freaking more than I am, about the fact that Lex is suddenly interested in the field where my ship crashed.

Lex stopped by to see me tonight before I went off to see if I could help Lana to tell me why he's digging in the field. He told dad and me earlier that he's doing land surveys, but why would he take the time to do that?

Then he dropped the bomb. Lex said that somebody told him they saw my ship land. At first I was excited because Lex seemed to be really interested, and not freaked out at all by the idea. I shouldn't doubt Lex, but what if he finds something. I don't think he'd ever be able to link it to me, although Lex is smart. He found this person. What if he finds somebody who saw mom and dad that day? What if somebody saw my parents put the ship in the truck? Suddenly I am so afraid.

It turns out the only reason Lex is doing it is to try to figure out what happened to him on the day of the meteor strike. I could easily tell him what happened; I ruined his life. I fell down from the sky and killed people. The meteors are still killing people in this town. But I was too terrified I hid behind mockery. I feel ashamed about that, but when he said it, when he actually uttered the word ship, my heart stopped. I didn't manage to get an impression of what he would think if something came with that ship.

I want to go see Lex tonight but I can't. The way he was talking about the stars and the ship, it frightens me. I think about it a lot and I know that part of my fear is that if I told Lex it would make it very real. It's already real enough for me. The ship is there. I looked at it for a while today and wondered again about all those questions I always ask when I look at it.

If Lex knew these things about me, I don't know what I would do. I look into his eyes and sometimes I think I could tell him. He loves me it won't matter, but then this fear grips me and I can't even speak. I'd have to tell him how I came from space. How I may look human but I'm not. Then I would have to tell him about my abilities.

Bullets bounced off me tonight. A man shot me point blank and I felt nothing. I don't even have bruises on me like the last time when Lex shot me. I felt nothing at all, except a little angry. He was trying to kill my friend and me but that only pissed me off. 

Imagine somebody telling you they are so strong they could lift a truck over their head and throw it into the next county.

Would you be afraid of that person?

 

21 May @ 05:07 pm

I am so ecstatic right now. It's all arranged. I already asked my best friend Pete and we can take his brother's car. It's a convertible.

I thought since we've all had such a rough week, especially Chloe and Lana, we'd all hang out and take in a move, so we're headed to the local drive-in. We're going to have dinner at the theatre, too. I can't wait for greasy burgers and that huge box of fries. It's been so long since I've done something like this. We always all seem so busy.

The school day has been kind of nice today. I spent my lunch hour with Pete in the cafeteria, drinking milk and exchanging sandwiches. Pete always hated his mom's Friday lunch. I can eat just about everything. He bragged about his date for the formal. I just smiled and ate my food.

Mom gave me extra money for the night, too, so I plan on buying a lot of dinner. I haven't really had a burger and popcorn in the same night in ages. I can't wait!

 

22 May @ 11:27 am

We got to the drive-in Pete and I let Chloe and Lana sit in the front seat since I'm so tall. Then Pete and I volunteered to get the food and drinks. While we were in line at the concession booth, Pete badgered me about asking somebody to the formal. I informed him I had somebody in mind, but that I would have to wait and see. I almost said I had to ask Lex first if it was okay. That would have been way too hard to explain. 

I think it was a great idea. Lana and Chloe seemed to be having a good time although it probably would have been better if every five minutes I hadn't asked if everything was okay. I just wanted everybody to have a good time. 

I spent most of today fixing things and doing a lot of chores. Tonight I'm going over to see Lex to ask him about the formal and to get his advice on what kind of tux to wear. He knows about style and I really think he knows way more about this than I do. I bet he's been to a ton of these things.

I've never been to any of the school dances. I have to get back to work now.

 

23 May @ 07:55 pm

I went over to the mansion last night and I asked how Lex would feel about my asking Chloe to the formal. He was fine with it.

So earlier today I asked Chloe and she said yes! She seemed very happy about it, which is great. She also got that internship at the paper she wanted to get. It was a happy day to say the least after all that unhappy stuff that happened last week. 

Last night after I talked to Lex about the formal, I asked his advice about tuxedos. He even modeled one for me. He looked amazing. He's so elegant even when he just walks out of his closet and isn't walking into some fancy social event. I couldn't keep my hands off him. As soon as I saw him I wanted to undress him. So I did. He stood still as I undressed him and then I got down on my knees and sucked him off.

I wanted it to be slow and gentle. I can do that even though I'm the clumsiest person I know. He didn't complain as I climbed on top of him, and we started to make out. It felt natural to just do that without even planning it.

It always feels natural to want to touch. I feel close to him when we're like that. His eyes go all soft, and he makes these noises that get me even more excited. 

Things have worked out so well this weekend. I'm off to do some reading.

 

4 May @ 01:09 pm

When I told Pete that I asked Chloe to the formal and she said yes, he breathed this sigh of relief. I asked him what that was about. He actually said he was beginning to think I batted for the other team.

I'm amused by this comment. Truly I am. My best friend thought I was gay. I guess I can't hide my true nature even from him.

He also pointed out that Chloe probably sees this as us now officially dating. I didn't correct him. That's fine by me if the school thinks I'm with Chloe. We both know the truth. Lex is the one who will always hold the key to my heart. It sounds corny, but that is how I feel.

I have to get to Math class. I think we have a test that I totally forgot to study for. I'll just use my x-ray vision to cheat. Kidding. But that would be a cool use of my x-ray vision.

 

25 May @ 09:07 pm

Mom and dad showed me how to dance. When I asked mom about slow dancing her and dad demonstrated. They look great dancing together. I love my parents and I love how much they love each other. It makes me so happy. When dad dipped mom and kissed her, I looked away. I don't think I'll be doing that to Chloe any time soon. When it was my turn to dance with mom, I managed it without once stepping on her toes. 

We had a quiet dinner and mostly just talked about things like what this growing season will be like, and my first official date. Dad is a little tentative about it. I told him I would try not to get her pregnant. His eyes almost popped out of his head, but it was so worth it just to see the look on his face. My dad acts like I should never date. He likes to stay out of these sorts of things. Mom on the other hand has to push just a little.

She kept smiling but then sudden she'd go quiet. I asked her about that when we washed the dishes together as dad went out to tinker with his motorcycle. She said it was nothing, but I managed to get it out of her eventually. She said she kept forgetting I don't actually like Chloe that way. I almost told her that Chloe is spoken for, but that's not my information to divulge. I learned my lesson.

It got kind of serious for a bit so we sat and had some coffee with a slice of pie. My mom is the best mom in the world. I'm so luck to have her. She's the most understanding mom I could ever have hoped for. 

I tried to explain to her how I feel about Lex. As we were talking, dad walked in. Mom covered by saying that Lex had helped me pick out my tux. My dad only grunted at that and went up to take a shower. 

Later, dad came down and pulled me aside to talk about what my obligation as the male half of this date would be. Like the fact that I should drive her, and that I should get her a corsage. Mom said she would cover the corsage. I think maybe I could ask Lex to loan me his limo. I really want to make the night great for Chloe. She deserves it. She's been such a great friend and stood by me through everything. 

Off to study. I have a major test tomorrow. Some teachers have no sympathy.

 

6 May @ 10:47 pm

I know jealousy well. I've been jealous of people all my life. I always watched from the sidelines as other kids did normal things; dated, played sports, or just played.

Tonight I went over to see Lex at the mansion. My tux needed a few adjustments. At first he seemed okay with everything but then I realized he was really upset at how happy I am about the dance. I was surprised, but I reassured him that I'm only with him. I also reassured him that Chloe has no interest in me that way. She is just my friend.

I thought it was funny that he would be jealous. There isn't anything to be jealous of. He's the first person to ever show this kind of interest in me in my life. I think Chloe might have felt something for me at one point, but that is long over. On top of that, in the whole time I crushed on Lana, she never once saw me as anything but the nice neighbor next door. She only started talking to me this year, and all that got me was being hanging in a field on a cross almost naked.

Lex has no idea how much he means to me. I could tell him a million times over that I think he's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, and he still would ask me if I was sure. He saved my life a few times, but that isn't all. He opened my world up to scary things, but those scary things have changed my world in ways that I never would have dreamed of.

My whole life was turned upside down by Lex. Because of him, I discovered my true origins. I found out why I get sick when I go near the meteor rocks. I found out lead can block the effects of the meteors. I found out I can love and be loved back by somebody other than my mom and dad. It's frightening and I should probably run from Lex, but he makes my heart pound in my chest, and he takes my breath away in ways I can't even describe.

Today he pushed me down onto his bed and sucked me off. I know he did it to show that I belong with him, but he really didn't need to do it. I didn't complain. It was an awesome blowjob. I even chanced touching his head. I'm always so afraid to touch him when I'm so close to a climax. I've broken things in the past. I was very careful, but I decided it was probably better to stop touching.

I came so fast it was embarrassing. I'd jerked off the night before, but I was still so anxious. It's much different when Lex touches me. His mouth, hands, lips, and tongue; I love every part of his body, but mostly I love when they are touching me. He makes me feel erotic.

Then I pulled his clothes off just enough so I could suck him off and bite his nipples. He has nice nipples that respond in this amazing way. I bit his nipples and jerked him off. I wanted to see him lose total control. Once I sucked his cock he went incoherent. He looked so fucking hot half dressed with his head thrown back and his skin all flushed. I told him I would make him scream my name when he came. I managed to get him to cry out my name. I was very proud of myself. To be fair, I screamed his name when I came. 

After all that he says he's somewhat convinced and that he might need more convincing at a later date. Pervert. He just wants sex.

 

27 May @ 05:53 pm

Everybody's life was just turned upside-down. 

Lex has a piece of my ship! Mr. Luthor closed the plant and Chloe might have to move back to Metropolis. Everything changes so fast and I can't keep up.

The day started out so great. I was still on a high from yesterday with Lex. Pete and Lana were helping me decide what color to pick for my tie and cummerbund and then Chloe told us the awful news. Lex's dad just closed the plant. Just like that. I can't believe his father would do that! Our town is like a game to him. 

Lex told me a few weeks ago that the plant had finally turned a profit. I was so proud of him. He has all these big plans and his dad just has to come and stomp all over them. I realize business is not something you can play around with, but still, Lex was so excited. It's just not fair.

I went over to talk to him about what happened with the plant, and to see how he was holding up. When I was there I saw it: the missing piece. My ship has this little octagonal missing piece and we always thought that maybe something fit in there. I guess something does. I only had a chance to hold it for a second before Lex came into the room. It has the same symbols on it. I'm almost sure that it will start my ship. If I had told Lex the truth about me, I could tell him it's mine and he would have given it to me. Now it sits in his office, a fancy paperweight. What a big fat lie to match my own big fat lies. He must have found it when he did that dig at the crash site.

I'm freaked out. I know there's no way Lex can trace it back to me, but what if there is? What if somehow he could figure it out? Lex is very smart. That man told him about my ship landing. What if Lex has already figured out what it's for and he's not telling me. He was so distracted when I stopped by. I wanted to ask if I could borrow his limo for the dance, but I'm sure that was the last thing on his mind right now. He has way more important things to worry about like all those poor people who are now out of a job. 

I couldn't imagine what it must be like to have so much riding on you. I have every confidence in him, and I know that he'll do something to fix things. I just wish I could do more than just sit back, but what the heck can I do besides support him.

When I got home, mom and dad were reading the special edition of the local paper. Dad seemed so happy that Lex would now be gone from our lives, though he wasn't happy that Lex had screwed things up for everybody else. My mind is in such turmoil right now. I'm so angry with my dad. He accused Lex of sitting on his ass and letting the plant fall apart. I wanted to punch him so hard. 

I just hope things get better from here.

Still, if I could get that missing piece and put it in the ship maybe so many questions would be answered. Maybe then I would find out why I'm here and where I came from. Maybe it would ease my fears. 

I need to run.

 

28 May @ 07:39 am

I can't believe I just blew up the truck! I was pushing posts into the ground for the new fence. I needed something to distract me and clear my head so I thought I would get my chores done in the morning. I like pushing posts into the ground. It's a great way to burn off excess energy.

The truck exploded into a big ball of flames when I started it. Dad thinks the fertilizer in the back somehow ignited. I feel like a total idiot. We can't afford a new truck, and how the heck am I going to take Chloe to the dance now!

At least I was the one in the truck when it blew up and not mom or dad. 

I didn't even feel the heat from the flames this time. The debris didn't hurt at all. I haven't got a single bruise or scratch on me. Mom thinks I'm getting stronger. It totally freaks me out when stuff like this happens.

I just took a shower and changed. I have to get to school soon. 

The only bonus is that mom totally pampered me. She made me fresh pancakes for breakfast and they were awesome.

@ 12:39 pm

Now that Chloe's dad has lost his job, they might have to move away. At first I asked Chloe if she wanted to cancel out on the dance, but she wants something to go right so everything is still on. She even begged me not to abandon her at the dance. I reassured her that I would never do that to her. I vow that she is going to have the best night of her life. I really want to make everything great for her.

She's going to pick me up tomorrow to take us to the dance since we lost our truck in an accident. 

I just called Lex and asked him to order a red tie combo for my tux. I'm sure he has other things on his mind, but I needed a distraction. It was nice to hear his voice. I asked him how things were going with the plant situation. He sounds determined, but tired. I wish there was something more I could do for him.

@ 08:00 pm

The truck explosion was not an accident. Some reporter who knows all about me blew our truck up on purpose. He wanted to test me. When I was at the Talon today he approached me. Lex interrupted and told him off. He verbally kicked the reporter's ass for bothering me. I couldn't believe this man. He has no idea who he's messing with.

Why is it that as soon as somebody finds out about me they want to take advantage of me? I would never hurt anybody and every time somebody has found out about my abilities, they've wanted to kill me or take control of me. The last time I was this freaked out was when that cop found out. That turned out so bad. I have no idea what to do now. Dad said that he and mom would take care of it. He thinks that if this guy really is after something he'll go to him about it. The only person who found out my secret and has never tried to hurt me is Bruce.

I know my parents will be able to handle it, but sometimes I wish I had Lex in my corner. I know he'd do anything to protect me. Maybe that's what I fear. What if anything, to Lex, means killing? I could never live with it if Lex was forced to kill for me.

 

29 May @ 10:46 am

Lex is so good to me. I just got the tux early this morning. He had it delivered to the farm and on top of that, he changed the tie combo from red to black. He's so amazing. I wanted to call and tell him I changed my mind and that I wanted black instead. Somehow Lex knew. I want to run over there right now and kiss him, and then I want throw him on his bed and make him squirm and beg for me to keep going.

He is so awesome!!!

After the dance I'm going to give him a big present. I hope he's up for it. Last night I went over for an hour just to give him a taste of what's to come. We didn't even remove our clothing, but the kisses and the touches were so hot. I told him how much I love him.

@ 04:10 pm

Lex had time to stop by just before Chloe picked me up for the dance. It was so wonderful to see him. I asked about how the buyout was going. He said things were going to get worse before they got better. I know he'll do it. I have faith that he will best his father. 

He arrived just in time to help me with my tie. Then he started talking weird, saying things about how no matter what happened in the next while he and I would still be friends. I wasn't sure how to react to that so I kissed him. I wanted to do more, but my mom and dad were in the house and Chloe was due to arrive at any moment. She isn't here yet, but she will be soon.

I told Lex I would go by the mansion later tonight, since mom and dad said I don't have a curfew tonight, and we could celebrate together. I want him so much that I get hard just thinking about him. I better stop that since Chloe is about to arrive.

I'm so excited.

@ 08:03 pm

My whole world changed in just a few hours. The ship is gone. Dad is missing and maybe dead. The dance is ruined. So much happened my head is spinning.

I did the one thing I vowed to Chloe that I would not do. I had to abandon her at the dance to save Lana. I hate that I broke my word to Chloe, but I had no choice. Lana would not have survived if I hadn't gone after her. I ran right into the heart of the tornado to save her. When I found her she was in the truck caught in one of the funnels maybe a few miles off the ground. I think I might have actually flown. It felt like I did.

Somehow, I managed to control my direction enough to get into the truck and cover her up so she wouldn't get hurt. She passed out by the time we got back on the ground. I can't even remember how that happened. We were on the ground all of a sudden and she was unconscious. My tux is ruined, but I don't care. Chloe is going to be so angry. I think even when she knows that I ran to rescue Lana she may still be angry with me.

After I brought Lana to the hospital and made sure she was okay, I ran as fast as I could to the house. I found mom in the storm cellar knocked out. The ship is gone and so is dad. He went after Nixon.

If my dad gets hurt because of me I don't know what I'll do. I'm going to go look for him now.

@ 11:37 pm

I can't believe how naïve I was. I am such a fool. All this time I let him touch me and he was going behind my back. 

I didn't find dad. Lex went out with me to help me look for him. We split up, on Lex's suggestion, to cover more ground. When I met up with him later, I caught him talking on his cell phone to Roger. I couldn't believe it. 

The look on Lex's face when he lied ... it was so obvious and when I called him on it, he hesitated. He told me earlier in the evening that he almost let his father die in the storm. He said he hesitated then. He said he thought his life would be easier if he'd let Lionel die. I told him it was okay because he'd made the right choice; he chose to save his father.

Maybe he just told me that to get me to feel sorry for him. Maybe all of this; us, has been nothing but a great big manipulation on his part.

I feel like a total idiot. Lex lied about knowing that reporter. He told me he didn't know him and I caught him talking to him on his phone, and then he lied about it! Right to my face! How stupid does he think I am? He must think I'm just some dumb hick he can manipulate and take advantage of and I fell for it.

How much of what he's said to me is a lie? I can't believe this. My dad is still out there somewhere, doing who knows what. Mom is so upset. How do I tell her it's because of Lex that this is happening? I told him so many private things and maybe all this time he was laughing at me just so he could find out my secrets. If my dad was right all along about Lex, I don't know what I'll do. I know one thing for sure. I am never letting him touch me again.

I felt so betrayed when I heard Lex say Nixon's name. I think back to when I ran into Nixon at the Talon. How Lex pretended he didn't know him. Did he tell Nixon to blow me up? Did he know all along what to look for? What about that piece of the ship? Lex had it in his office. I saw it there. Now my ship is gone, and Roger has it on tape. He's going to give that to Lex, and then everything will be over.

For the first time in as long as I can remember my mom and I had dinner without my dad. 

I feel like my whole world just fell apart.

 

31 May @ 11:04 am

My dad is fine now. We found him. I'm not really sure where things stand between Lex and me. I was really upset and said things that maybe he might not forgive me for saying.

Dad and I have a ton of work ahead of us. The farm was hit pretty badly. I stayed home from school to help out. We have to clear a ton of debris first and I have to call up all our customers to let them know that our Monday delivery has to be cancelled. 

Mom is helping out at the Talon. It was turned into a temporary disaster relief site. She left really early this morning. She has been the most amazing mom ever. The way she handled herself; I was so proud of her. Dad has been so great, too. 

I won't be getting my deposit back for the tux. It's totally trashed. I even lost the tie in the storm. I guess all things considering it's the last thing I should worry about. 

Dad and I are going out to help a few of our neighbors after we've done some work here. Dad said some of them were hit a lot harder than we were. 

It's going to be a busy summer.


End file.
